15 weeks - ultrasound

[abyssum_invocat]

Sinthia had finally found someone she could at least tolerate for prenatal visits, and even if she was beginning to show, she could still fit into her normal clothes: when she opted to get dressed, that was. As the pregnancy had progressed she'd gotten worse and worse morning sickness and anxiety, and though prescribed a different medication it was taking some time to get fully into her system. But she'd managed to keep down some food that morning and got herself and Illya to the appointment for the fetal doppler--not a term she ever thought would be applied to herself--without much incident.

Listening to the baby's admittedly soft, indistinct heartbeat brought a tiny smile to Sinthia's face as she looked down at her barely-mounded belly with Illya's hand on it. It was mildly relaxing if she ignored the obvious trappings of it being a doctor's office, and let herself only think about breathing. "There are two heartbeats," she heard, and jerked back to alertness at that.

"There are what?" Sinthia asked, surprised.

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Illya watched with curiosity as Sinthia was prepared for the scan. He had been worried about her the last few days. The medication was helping but slowly. When the scanning began, he put his hand on her bare belly. It seemed to help Sinthia stay calm. Illya heard it before the doctor mentioned it, he could hear, a second heartbeat. Fainter than the first, but clearly audible. The technician turned up the sound for them to hear better.

"Two heartbeats," the tech said.

"There are two... We're going to have twins," Illya said, his eyes tearing a bit.

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"...Oh god," she breathed, feeling like her own heartbeat was fluttering up to her throat; she felt sick again, much stronger than the vague ripples of discomfort had been this morning, and after swallowing several times and sitting upright Sinthia could speak again.

"Twins?" she asked. "Are you sure?"

The tech answered affirmative, and Sinthia looked over to Illya, speechless. "...We have to tell Solo."

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"Easy," Illya helped her sit up and rubbed her back. "We'll tell Solo. Don't worry. Take deep breaths."

"Yes, I am," the technician. "Would you like to do an ultrasound? We might be able to tell the sex."

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Twins. Well that explained how sick she was--twice the fetus, twice the puking, she supposed. It was taking an extraordinarily long time, it felt, to sink in that she was carrying twins, and after a protracted silence the tech asked again about an ultrasound.

"What?" she asked, hair swinging around her face. "I...I suppose," she answered. "It's not too soon to tell?"

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"You're a couple of weeks farther along than you thought. More like fifteen than thirteen. We might be able to tell. If you'd lie back, we can do it pretty quickly."

"Okay," Illya helped her get comfortable laying back as the technician prepared the ultrasound machine. The technician moved the screen around so that Sinthia and Illya could both see it. Then she got out the gel and the paddle. Lifting Sinthia's shirt, she spread the gel over Sinthia's growing bump, and started scanning with the paddle. With the ultrasound, the second heartbeat was even louder. "Bosche moi," Illya gasped, there were clearly two babies. "Can you tell if they are girls or boys?"

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Sinthia flinched at the gel, because she hadn't particularly been paying attention, rather more busy with the thought that she'd definitely outgrow her clothes much sooner than she thought, and that she may need to let slip to her boss before very long. The cold jelly made her jerk and curse quite vividly in Russian and German, and slide back in the chair though she was stopped by the reclined back. The tech glanced at her, and looked back to Illya without quite covering her concern, nodding. "If we can get a good angle of view, we can try to see their sex. Would you like to know?"

She squeezed Illya's hand once she'd relaxed again, and said nothing about the outburst--the tech didn't need to know and Illya would understand her avoidance to being startled with medical instruments being touched to her. "They're so little," Sinthia murmured. "Both of them. They look so tiny."

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He held Sinthia's hand as the technician moved the paddle around over her stomach. Very aware of her tension rising again. The 3D ultrasound was amazingly detailed.

"Okay..." she moved the paddle just a little bit. "Right there. If these were boys, you'd be able to see little stubs between their legs." The two babies were facing each other. "You've got a pair of girls. I'll print you out some pictures." The tech pushed a button on the ultrasound and a photograph printed out. "And we'll get one more of their faces." Another snap and print. "All done."

She handed them the prints and then cleaned the gel off Sinthia and put the machine away.

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"Girls," Sinthia echoed, holding the printed sonogram of the tiny babies in delicate fingers. "I suppose we don't really need to think of boys names now," she murmured, passing the picture to Illya.

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"We're going to have two little girls," Illya said dreamily. "I suppose you are right." Looking at the pictures made the fact that they were going to be parents all the more real.

"We should surprise Solo. We can take him to dinner and show him pictures of our daughters," he said grinning. "We are going to have twice the diapers to change."

[abyssum_invocat]

Not for the first time, Sinthia began to relax when she saw Illya so happy about the child--children--she was carrying, and smiled gently as she pulled her shirt back down. Her jeans still fit, but the top button was held by a tiny looped elastic under the bump of her belly.

"We should," she says. "Seeing them, it feels more real now." Not that it hadn't before, but the fairly constant sickness and the stress of going off a medication that worked and finding another that didn't do as well had made the magic of being an expectant mother dim somewhat. "I can't believe they're right there," Sinthia said, resting a hand on her stomach. "So close."

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"I'll leave you two for a couple of minutes," the tech slipped out, stripping off her gloves. The look on their faces when they saw their babies for the first time, was one of the best things about her job.

Illya smiled, his face lighting up like when he'd seen the Faberge eggs, only more. They were going to have two babies. His eyes tearing, he gathered Sinthia into his arms, his hands ran down to cover her belly. "I love you so much."

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Sinthia was stunned, too much to say many of the things that bolted through her mind, but she let herself be pulled into Illya's arms without a fight. "Are we ready for twins?" she asked quietly.

"I have to tell my boss," she said. "I can't be at work close to term. Twins usually deliver early." She'd had reasonable success in calming down--her morning sickness had much eased since week twelve--over the short while of her second trimester, but she was back to anxious again as she wondered how they would handle two children.

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Illya laughed, how could he not? He was thrilled and even more terrified. "I do not know. We do not have a choice, do we?"

She wasn't the only one feeling anxious. Illya started speaking to her softly in Russian, "It will be alright. Take a deep breath." Hopefully it would calm them both.

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"We could give one up for adoption," she said, looking up and over her shoulder at Illya. "I don't know. It's...I didn't expect this," Sinthia murmured, honest.

"We need to tell Solo."

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"No, absolutely not," he said to the idea of sending one of the babies away. Illya wasn't sure, but he was hoping she was teasing him. "You are kidding, I hope?"

"Yes, we do." He checked his watch. "Solo will be off work in about twenty minutes. We should go meet him there."

[abyssum_invocat]

"I wasn't," Sinthia said quietly. She knew that he and Solo both were excited about having a baby, but the practicality of having twins, and taking care of them, would be very different from a single child, and Sinthia couldn't help thinking about that. She was a little startled by his vehemence against adoption, but couldn't say anything in reply.

"We could take him to dinner, if he can get out of his scrubs first."

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"You were not? I... I couldn't give away one of our children. Not without very good reason," Illya said. Like both of them would have to not be breathing. He kissed her neck. "They are not even here yet so we do not need to talk about it for a while. Let's go get Solo."


Luckily, his office was in another wing of the building they were already in. It was part of the same hospital complex they were in.

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"I don't know for sure if I could, or not, but..." she took a deep breath, or as deep as she could at the moment anyway, and continued. "I was almost killed when I was born, because I wasn't a boy. My father wanted a boy. I'd rather give my child up for someone else to have than to make them feel like I didn't want them. And I don't know what I feel for them right now."

She couldn't be more honest than that, as awful as saying it aloud made her feel, like she was defective for not automatically and wholeheartedly loving the little lives inside her already. "Okay."

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"Sorry. I did not know that," he calmed a bit, and her admission seemed to wash the anger away. He took her hand as they walked. He didn't know what else to say. He would feel better when they had a chance to talk more and with Solo. But her suggestion had dulled his excitement for the moment. It didn't take long for them to get to Solo's office.

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Sinthia fell quiet as they walked, and reached down for Illya's hand to clasp in hers tentatively, though she wasn't entirely sure he'd want to touch her. The walk to their partner's office felt miles longer than it was, like every step they took brought them no closer.

She still had the ultrasound printout in her hand, and looked at it as they came to the door turning them towards Solo's place in this huge complex. "I'm sorry," she murmured softly as they waited for him to come out.

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Illya stopped, "No, I am the one that should be sorry. I have been selfish. I got so carried away at the thought of having children that I didn't think to ask you if this is something you wanted to do."

He looked at the picture of their children in her hand. "We don't have to decide anything now. It is too soon. We must talk to Solo and decide together what we are going to do."

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"Illya, don't do that. I don't want you to not be happy," she said, tucking the photo back into her pocket.

"I just...it's a lot. And moving fast, and I feel...like I'm getting swept out of control."

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"It's OK," he did give her a little smile. "I am not unhappy. But it is a lot. It is changing everything in our lives very rapidly. I am sorry if I made it feel more out of control for you." He sighed and leaned down to kiss her. "I do love you."

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"It's funny that it's been less than a year," she murmured. "And already things are so different. It's just...fast. And unstoppable, and I don't know how I feel about it, but I don't have the time to figure it out slowly."

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"It has been very fast," Illya said, taking both of her hands. "But it seems like a lifetime." A couple months in the hospital and recovering from his wounds made it seem so much longer. He had only met Sinthia a couple of months before his mission had come to a very hard ending.

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"It feels like we're supposed to be together," she said, and she meant it. "I'm scared that the stress of having children will change that too soon."

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"I know. I feel the same," he kissed her gently. "I do not know how our feelings will change for each other over time. That is what happens when people grow together and make a family. But I know I want to live with you for a long time and watch our children grow and have children. This is the kind of love I want for us."

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"I don't want them to change," Sinthia protested, albeit weakly around that kiss and she was trying not to melt into. "With change comes the possibility of loss."

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"There is always the possibility of loss," Illya said with a shrug. He slid his arms around her. "But we have already faced that and come through it. Would you rather I lie to you?"